(useless) information
ASF
A 26yr old female whose brain is powered by caffeine; without its main fuel source it has a working speed slower than that of a slug. That aside, she wishes she could grow a teeny weeny bit (read: a lot) taller and constantly whines about her weight. Enjoys devising novel ways to traumatise people with her bludders. Oh, and she is rather antisocial.
journal
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Christmas is coming. It’ll be Christmas next week.
I used to like Christmas a lot. When I was a kid I loved to walk along Orchard Road around this period to look at the Christmas lightings and decorations. But now, somehow while growing up, I liked Christmas less and less. Maybe it's because I feel that it's been so commercialised it doesn't feel like Christmas. Not like what it should be anyway. I'm not exactly the best person to say how Christmas should be like, but I've always felt (still feel) that Christmas is a season of giving, sharing and caring. But somehow, I don't get that feeling anymore.
Not sure what I'm trying to put across? Well, I can't put it to words. Sorry. But it's like, I don't know, people in the past seemed more.. caring than people do nowadays. That’s why Christmas nowadays doesn't feel like how Christmas used to be anymore. That warm feeling I used to get whenever it approaches doesn't exist now. People seem to be.. colder.
Or maybe I'm getting more realistic. I don't know.
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You Are 70% Weird |
You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right? But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks! |
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I'm gonna celebrate with Aihuat tonight!
Woohoo~
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1. I want to be a panda in my next life.
2. I like cats.
3. I like to be mistaken as a Malay or Indian though I'm Chinese.
4. I hate boybands.
5. I want to learn muay thai. So that I can bully my boyfriend. *evil laugh* Nah, 'cos I think Tony Jaa is cool.
6. My childhood dream was to be a taitai.
A conversation I remember when I was five-ish (translated from Mandarin):
Aunt: (After asking my cousin the same question and got a reply that he wanted to be a doctor) Yanling ar, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Me: Marry a rich man.
Aunt:...why?
Me: Then I won't have to work but still can buy lots of stuff, mah!
Aunt:...
I was so friggin' xian shi. Wtf.
7. When I realised rich guys like pretty bimbos, I changed my aspiration. I aspired to find oil fields/diamond mines instead. WTH.
8. I absolutely hate Maths.
9. I'll die without internet.
10. I love to read.
11. I wish I can be a little bit taller.
12. I love it when people think I look younger than my actual age (Who doesn't?).
13. I hate girl bands.
14. I love to talk crap.
15. I think Audi A6 is totally cool.
16. People used to tease me when they realised my idol is Stephen Chow. Funny, meh? My boyfriend idolises Ng Man Tat ok!
17. I hate it when tall guys bend down to talk to me.
18. The fastest way to kill me is to make me do public speaking.
19. I look juai and confident when giving speeches, but actually I am trembling inside.
20. I drink coffee like water.
21. I recently discovered the wonders of beer. (Thanks to my supervisor). Beer rocks. So does vodka. Basically, alcohol rocks. Oooh, yeah.
22. I love the smell of alcohol.
23. I'm afraid of flying cockroaches.
24. I can forgive, but will never forget.
25. I want to move to Malaysia/Australia after I retire.
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This conversation with my labmate just popped into my mind suddenly:
Simon W.: Hey Ee Leng, do you know what's the first sign of insanity?
Me: Err.. when you talk to yourself?
Simon W.: Nah, when you answer back!
Me:....
I miss my lab. :(
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Tossed and turned in bed, glanced at the clock.
Damnit. 3am.
Tossed and turned again, started counting sheep.
Nabeh. 3.30am liao.
Started naming the sheep I was counting and developing complicated family history of each sheep.
Knn.. 4.30am!
The reason why I couldn't fall asleep last night was because I was scared.
It just struck me that I've been wasting the past 2 weeks, doing nothing in particular. Did not look for jobs, did not tidy up my room. Basically I did zilch. Nada. Diddly.
I constantly made up excuses for myself.
- Results aren't out yet, therefore I can't look for a job.
- I'm tired.
- I don't feel well.
- (Last week) I don't have internet.
(Plus 4324910489149 other excuses)
So I spent the entire night thinking about what I should do. Frankly, up to this point, I still don't know what I should do. I can't see what lies ahead. I don't know what I want in life. I think that's why I went to further my studies.
To avoid thinking about what I want in life.
True, I do have some dreams about my future. Own a car, a bungalow, have a great career, have a 1.9m tall hubby who, coincidentally, is friggin' rich and has the looks of Takeshi Kaneshiro.
Yeah rite.
But the problem is, I'm lazy. I'm too lazy to fight for my future. My life has been.. well.. a result of drifting around aimlessly.
I studied life science by default. I hate maths, so I can't be an accountant. My English is OK, but I suck at public speaking, so I can't be a lawyer. I am not imaginative, so I can't be a designer.
So I chose Biotech in TP.
Worked for 2 years in a stat board.
Got bored.
Went to further studies.
Graduated with Hons degree.
Frankly, I wish I could study forever. Take a phD project, and I won't have to worry about my life for the next three years.
But during the course of my research project the past year has made me realise what kind of person I am.
Deep inside me resides a person who craves (unspoken) recognition. A person who wants other people to be impressed by her work (and talent, if she has, but frankly she doesn't - she just works harder than other people). She doesn't need to progress in her career (in fact, she doesn't want to advance in her career) because she doesn't want the responsibilities associated with that kind of progression. She just wants people to remember her as that person who can produce good work.
Sounds kinda contradictory huh?
Anyway I burnt myself out during the course of my Hons research. I'm tired. I put in more effort in this project than anything else I've ever done in my life. Think that's why I've been wasting my life away for the past 2 weeks.
I think I'm really a contradictory person. I want recognition, a successful career, a good life ahead, but I don't want the responsibility associated with it, and I'm too lazy to work towards these goals.
Wth.
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Frankly I do not know the purpose of writing this post. I don't suppose there's any reason. I guess it's just a means for me to write out whatever I am thinking, things which I don't think I would say out to my friends and/or family. Plus I'm scared. Of what, I can't put my finger to it. Everything, maybe.
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Update: Finally decided to clean up my room. Argh. Finally accomplished something. Yay. Now back to wasting my life away by watching Happy Tree Friends. They rock.
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I've been spending the last hour or so trying to figure out how to put a picture on my profile. AND I STILL CAN'T PUT UP A PICTURE. wth?! Somebody. Please. Help. Me. Argh.
If I were 2 or 3 years younger, I would never have to use an hour to figure out (and fail) how to upload a bloody picture online. Hell, a couple of years ago I was even designing webpages in HTML codes and using Dreamweaver and other IT-related stuff! Unbelievable, huh.
Guess my brain has really degenerated. Or I'm getting older. I think it's both.
What the heck. I'm not really that old. I'm not even 25 yet, for goodness' sake! Argghh.. time to start gorging myself to death on gingko biloba and other brain-building tonics before my brain really starts to degenerate. Damnit.
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Anyway, it's been 2 weeks since I came back from my studies and somehow I have trouble adjusting to life back in Singapore.
The crowds.Singapore's getting crowded. Waaaaaaaaay crowded. I took a train to Orchard on a WEEKDAY and nearly died of asphyxiation as a result of being packed in the carriage. OK OK I'm exaggerating a bit here, but you get the idea.
The pace of life. You can see the pace of life based on the walking speeds of the people. Well, at least that's how I see it. The people in Adelaide tend to walk leisurely, and I've gotten used to that. But now that I'm back in S'pore.. even 70 year old ah-mahs can overtake me. (Yeah, laugh lah, I know it's friggin' xiasway) WTH?!
TV. My fave channel is now screwed up. I'm gonna get SCV (when I have the money, that is). 'Nuff said.
Out.
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What a friggin'
Out.
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